Two Man Rule

"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem, but they don't really know me."

-Gary Shanding

     If you've been wondering why I haven't posted for about a week, I have a good explanation. I faced probably one of biggest fears that I have. I talked to a person that I care dearly for about my recovering addiction, and the pertinent role they have played in my return to a rich and full life. It didn't go as planned to be brief. I thought that because of the connection that we had cultivated, I could tell this person anything and the world would not end. (Now that was me being dramatic;) I wasn't wrong, but I wasn't right. Since I had told this person the thing that had been my largest struggle, I was hoping that me being vulnerable would deepen our connection. At this moment I feel as if it has done the exact opposite. I feel like I have been pushed away. Not because of me but for their own personal reasons that I'm unaware of. 

     Throughout our history we've gained much knowledge about one another, but there is always another level of intimacy to be progressed to. To clarify, intimacy is basically how close you are to another person. The more intimate you are with a person, the more they know about you, and the more you know about them. This means more options become available in the relationship. Not just on a physical level but emotional level. You can be there for a person in a completely different capacity than other people. The only way to progress successfully is if the timing is right though. This means BOTH people have to be ready for that step to work. It's kind of like in the movies, when you need two people turn two keys simultaneously in order to launch the nuclear missile. In this case, both people in the relationship need to turn the keys at the same time in order to unlock that next level of intimacy

     What I'm thinking is that with my situation, I was ready to turn the key and the other person wasn't. So that level remains unavailable. I would be lying if I didn't take this personally, but I understand that people need to do things on their own clock when it comes to personal things. I certainly took my sweet time to get to where I was comfortable turning that key, so who am I to rush someone. The only thing that you can do in this kind of situation is either quit, or wait patiently. Whatever choice you make is the right one. 

     I can appreciate either choice because it shows that you know what you want. What I hope that you got out of this post is that when it comes to intimacy, it is progressed only when both persons are ready. Just know that intimacy with another person is ultimately what makes us LIVE NOW! Connection and intimacy with people is what we live for, I know I do. It's not an easy thing to gain, but well worth the time and effort. Thanks for reading, and we'll talk soon!

Truly Seen

"I don't want someone who sees the good in me, I want someone who sees the bad and still loves me."

-Anonymous

     It's easy to love someone when all you see is the good parts of them. The true test to see if the love you have for someone is legitimate is by seeing their bad parts and still loving them. Recently, with my opening up I've been met with so much support and love. This has allowed me to see the people that love me with a whole new respect. 

     The thing or person rather, that has been on my mind is a person that I want to know this. I won't identify this person because of how much love and respect I have for this person, but I want them to know that I understand thoughts of self doubt and feeling devalued by my mistakes. You're not alone. I'd even say that everyone feels this way at some point or another. The thing that I wish I would have known long before I finally opened up was how much love and support was waiting once I allowed myself to be seen as a whole. 

     I understand that you need to do this in your own time, because I certainly took my sweet time. Just know that there are so many people waiting to be there to love you for who you are, mistakes and all. When you are ready to be truly seen, I'll be there patiently waiting to see what you find. Being able to share these things with people have allowed me to LIVE NOW, and I believe it will help you too, and everyone reading this. Thanks for reading and we'll talk soon!

Today's Bit Of Wisdom

     "When you want to be alone, go hang out with friends."

     There are the days that you just don't want to leave the house, let alone your own room. Earlier today, I was having the dilemma of wanting to even leave the house. I had been invited to go hang out with some friends, but with how things have been going this week, I almost didn't go. I'm glad I did go though. Being around people helps in times of trial. So if you are struggling with life, find awesome people to spend time with, and it will automatically make your day better. Never isolate yourself in those times you don't feel like being around people. If you know me, and I'm wanting to be alone, it's probably me masking loneliness. I don't know about everyone else, but that's how I am. 

     That's just a bit of wisdom that I've used to LIVE NOW better! Thanks for reading!

     

Clear The Clutter

     Life is full of emotions. Some of them being pleasant and some being painful. The majority of us try and avoid feeling those negative feelings and emotions. Then there is a select population of people that refuse to accept those sweet and positive emotions. The past few days, I've been a little down, but it was different because I accepted being sad. Most of the time I find it difficult to let myself experience my negative emotions, because I feel like if I let myself be sad or angry it makes me weak and less of a positive influence on the world around me Now that I look at it from a different perspective, because of me choosing to be open about my problems, I see how important it is to embrace all emotion.

     One anecdotal reason that I feel it is important to embrace all emotion is because being able to channel all those emotions make it easier to have empathy. Since I've been able to be open about my whole life journey, I've noticed that my interactions with people have been deeper and more meaningful. My hypothesis behind that is because the better I am at being able to channel energy or some might say be in tune with the spirit, the better I am able to understand and relate to people. The best way I can explain it is, that I feel without the secret of my addiction blocking my inner self, energy is able to flow freely through my mind and body.
     As I reflect on the before and after difference with my inner self, I feel so much more free to be who I want to be. I can be the great person that I've always known was inside of me. That is why I feel being able to clear out your closet will better your ability to fill it with new things. You can fill it with the people, places and things that matter most to you. I hope that you can find the courage to share yourselves with the world, because it truly has helped me LIVE NOW and enjoy the people, places and things that I have. It is worth it! Thanks for reading, and we'll talk soon!
   

Addicts Helping Addicts

"Wisdom comes with experience."

     It's kind of funny looking at things in hindsight. Everything makes sense and has a certain clarity that didn't exist in the moment. I got the privilege of spending time with a friend of mine that I hadn't seen for awhile. We've always been there for each other when we needed someone to talk to about our problems. Although looking back, I never was the one that shared very much. I attribute it to me being prideful in trying to maintain the charade that I had no problems. That and because I knew that my addiction was something that they had seen as a struggle for a family member close to them. So I decided it best to not tell of my own darkness, to spare them the pain of having someone else close to them that was in the snare of addiction. Up until today, they didn't know of my struggle.

      Today was different though. I was able to share my darkness with them. To my surprise they didn't get angry with me, like I was thinking. (I know... I should know better than to think that a good friend would abandon me for that reason... I know that now.) The only thing they were upset with was that I didn't feel like I could have shared this earlier, but they understood my thought process behind me sparing them those details about my life. As we talked about my addiction we discovered something. We discovered that it is because of our addictions that we got along and was able to understand each other so well. That was the reason that when we came to each other for advice, we had effective solutions to each others problems. Little did they know at the time, the reason I had that advice is because of my journey through my addiction to pornography and masturbation.

    So now that I look back at my journey through addiction, I find a certain gratitude for the experience. I'm grateful that I was able to help this friend in their times of need when they needed someone to help them. Going through addiction gave me a unique perspective, the one of an addict. What better idea than to have an addict help addicts. I mean that's why they have Alcoholics Anonymous and other support groups available for people trying to recover from addiction. As a recovering addict I can relate to the mind of an addict. That's why me and this friend of mine were able to understand and help each other so well. Even if they didn't know it, they helped me through this recovery process as well. 

     It's helpful to find like-minded people, that will support you in your endeavors, especially in recovery from addiction. As long as these people are pushing you forward and not dragging you down these fellow addicts will help you as you help them. Recovery from addiction is a journey, a journey that no one has to do alone. We all have our own vices, so why not walk this journey of recovery together. This helped me and continues to aid me everyday. It has helped me LIVE NOW, having the company that understands how to help me. Addicts helping addicts... who would have thought that would be so effective. Help each other on this journey. Many hands make lighter loads. Thanks for reading, and we'll talk soon!

Your Whole Story

    "It's important to know the whole story before you judge a person."

What makes a person a good person? That's a question that I've been thinking about. There are a variety of words that come to mind when I think about what makes a person good. Honesty, integrity, virtue, kindness, compassion and many other words flow from the descriptions of good people. I feel like those words only have it half right though. The other words that qualify someone as good include dishonesty, adulterous, mean, and other words that follow the descriptions of bad people. Now you're probably thinking "Uh, that second list of words do not qualify someone as good, that qualifies them as bad!" The reason that I add those words to the list of many is because there cannot be goodness without the bad. There can also be no bad without the good. It's all about contrast.

    Let's compare light or the absence of light. When you see light, you are able to see the light as well as where there is none. It works the opposite as well. The presence of light and absence of light is what gives things shape. Once objects have a perceived shape, we can then determine its quality. Relating this back to being a good person. It is the bad qualities in us that bring out the good qualities, as well as the other way around. If you are to be a whole person, you must be aware of both the good and bad qualities that you have. I believe the acknowledgement and awareness of your own good and your own bad is what makes you not a good or bad person, but a whole person. 

     With the way society is these days, we try and forget about our flaws and advertise our strengths. It's the way of social media. You cannot judge a person's character by their advertised qualities, because then you are only judging half of their picture. To truly know a person's character, you have to see their light and dark qualities. When you see the light and the dark, that is when you can make the judgement call. But even then, it is still only the way you perceive their shape. When you find a person that you can enjoy as a whole person, that is when you know that they are a good person for you. It's not too often that you find those people. I know just a few, and I absolutely adore them, and don't know how my life would be without them.

     You can judge a person by the half story that you have, but in my opinion the only way that you can define a good person is by their whole story. Their light side and their dark side. In the end it all depends on your own perception. The most important person that you should know as a good person is yourself. You know your whole story. Just know that it's your whole story that makes you who you are, not your good parts or bad parts. Good people, are whole people. Being a whole person makes it easier for me to LIVE NOW and enjoy the people that I'm with. Thanks for reading and we'll talk soon!

Throwback Saturday?

I'm working on a really big post, so I'm going to share a throw-back post today and post the big one tomorrow, so stand by! This next one is a big step for me to share my heart ;)

Don't Be Dissatisfied With Where You Start!

"The starting point of all achievement is desire."

Napolean Hill

     So today I took the 22 Minute Hard Corps, Day Zero fit test. Lets just say that I wasn't impressed with my performance. I mean 8 pull-ups seems kind of "Meh...", especially when I look at... Before I even finish that sentence, what was I just about to do there? If you said that I was about to compare myself to someone else, you'd be right. I find it difficult to not compare myself to others, even though I know that I shouldn't. Why is that?

     Throughout life we are raised comparing ourselves to others. As kids we compare our toys with other children's toys. In middle school we compare our clothes with other kids clothes, and in high school we compare our cars with other people's cars. If the things we do or have don't measure up to what others can do and have, should we feel like less of a person than they are? In my opinion, we compare ourselves to other people to see if we are validated enough to feel good about ourselves.

     To an extent, I feel it is healthy to compare ourselves. Just to see what you can learn from others, but if we are comparing to see self-improvement we shouldn't look at others to find our own betterment. If we are going to compare ourselves to someone, it should be ourselves from the day before. This will allow us to see our improvement no matter how small or large the improvement is, and enable us to feel good about ourselves. After all, we have improved, we just need to look in the right place to see it.

     So now going back to the sentence I didn't finish. The way I would try and complete it is "8 pull-ups seems kind of "Meh...", especially when I look at what I will be able to do". If you can see the results of whatever improvement you're about to make to yourself before it happens, it will make you excited for the journey to come. So in other words, don't be dissatisfied with where you start, especially if you know where you're going. I can't wait to embark on another journey in my pursuit to be healthy and fit, as well as be supportive and supported by an AMAZING Challenge Group in my Beachbody family. It's all about the journey, not the destination.

     

Continue to LIVE NOW, and we'll talk soon! Thanks!

Keys To The Kingdom

    "You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. Choose carefully"

-Anonymous

 It is true that the people closest to you can hurt you the most. Most of the time the way they hurt you is by harming themselves. You shouldn't just build wall around you and not let yourself get close to anybody. Without our connections with people, life is meaningless. At least that's the way I feel. Unfortunately it seems as though we are predisposed to having faulty judgement when it comes down to handing people the keys that open the door into our lives. How do we let the right people in and keep the other people at arms length? Having the best quality people in our lives can mean the difference between success and failure. Let me give my three tips on how to give the keys to the kingdom to the best people you can.
     1)Know Their Goals! We all know that a journey is easier when you are in the right company. So it is best to look for people that have similar goals. For me, I also look for people with big goals. I'm not looking for small game, I've got big fish to fry.
     2)It's All About Follow Through! When it comes to picking the best people to have in your life, reliability is essential. If a person follows through with the things they said they were going to do, no matter how small or insignificant, it shows that they will follow through with their commitments. Those kind of people are valuable assets to your arsenal of trusted people.
     3)They Go For It! One quality that I'm very attracted to is if a person goes after what they want no matter what. They embrace failure as a stepping stone, not as the end. They don't surrender!
     Bonus! One really good rule of thumb to keep in mind is, "Will this person push me forward and raise me up physically, mentally and spiritually or will they hold me back. If you can answer this question alone, it will give a pretty clear answer whether to hand them the keys or not.
     Finding the right people to have in your life is hard! It's hard to know if a person is going to ultimately hurt you or help you. There are bound to be errors in judgement, and there will be those people that hurt you But if you know a person's goals, that they follow through with their commitments, they GO FOR IT whatever it is, and they will raise you to the next level, that's a good sign that investing your time and energy into that person will be a good investment. Making connections with the best people is what I LIVE NOW for! Just make sure they are the best for you and you'll be alright! Thanks for reading, and we'll talk soon!

Talk Fruity To Me

"Sugar is sugar is sugar."

-Low Carb Circle People

     Today in my human biology class, this guy came in with this giant Odwalla drink. As I listened to him talking to his friends at the table, I heard them reading the label on it, specifically the ingredients and nutritional facts. When they read how much sugar was in that drink they said "good thing it's fruit sugar." You could say I kind of face palmed at that moment. This is an example of a big misconception that many people believe in.
     They believe that getting sugar from fruit juice is better than getting sugar from soda. Granted, soda has a lot more than just sugar, so fruit juice is more healthy in that way. As far as sugar goes though, they're on the same playing field. The reason for that is because when you take away the skin, pulp, flesh, and fibrous parts of fruit all that is left is the sweet parts.
      I looked up the sugar content of orange juice in comparison with soda, and they have roughly the same amount. So if you are going to have fruit, eat your fruit don't drink your fruit. The reason for that is because it's the fiber in fruit that slows the absorption of fructose, making it not jack up your blood sugar and insulin.
     This is something that I want people to be aware of when it comes to sugar consumption. Sugar is sugar. Hopefully this simple tip can help you in your health and your fitness. Health and Fitness helps me have more energy to LIVE NOW and in the moment, and I know that it can help you to! Thanks for reading, and we'll talk soon!

BOO!

"Perfectionism is a dream killer, because it's just fear disguised as trying to do your best. It just it."

-Mastin Kipp

     As finals come up for me in college, a girl in my class asked me "how are you not stressing out about the finals?" I thought about it, and I just simply said, "aren't the finals what we've been preparing for the whole time?" What I mean by that is why worry about something if you've been properly preparing for it. The only reason you should worry is if you didn't prepare. Then they said "I'm just a perfectionist, so I worry all the time." When she said that it made me think maybe being a perfectionist is not a good thing to identify as. When you label yourself as a perfectionist, you place that expectation of being perfect on your shoulders. If you haven't figured it out already, being perfect is not possible. So putting that weight of "perfect" expectation on your shoulders is really sealing your own doom. No matter what it is. As I thought even more about it, I realized how perfectionism is really fear in disguise. The fear to be imperfect. The fear of not being good at something. The fear of making a mistake. The fear of not being good enough. How do we overcome this?

     Overcoming fear is a constant battle that we experience everyday. We all have our own fears that we deal with, but I've noticed in my earlier years I had perfectionism aka "fear of not being good enough" and I still do occasionally, but I've found effective ways for me to deal with this fear. I'll give you three of my most used strategies for dealing with fear.

     1) Recognize Progress! As a fitness and health nut, I'm more obsessed about being healthy and fit than the average human being, which can be good and a bad thing. The benefits are pretty obvious, I get to be healthy and fit. The downsides of being a health and fitness nut is that I'm extremely competitive with myself. I feel like I should be able to constantly destroy my personal records every time by large margins. So when I see that I only improved my mile and  a half run by one second, it seems disappointing. I didn't destroy my record, I just eeked by with a little more spring in my step. That's when I remember the mantra "Progress Is Perfection." This helps me see the big picture. It helps me remember that "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass". The scriptures had it right with that principle. 

     2)Show Up With 110%! Something that has stuck with me from when I did Insanity Max:30, was when that girl said "If I can't do one more, I do three!" Holy cow! That really is insane, but to apply it to my perfectionism. What if I was going to do something I thought I wasn't good at just once, but then I did three times? That would make me better in the end having doing it three times instead of just once. Something that my high school aerobics teacher told us was that "You can all do hard things, if you let yourselves do it." I believe that if we were to let ourselves try the things we aren't very good at more than just once, maybe some day we would find ourselves better at it.

     3)Share! A lot of the time, it's hard to admit to yourself you don't think what you're doing is good enough, let alone tell another person that. More often than not, telling someone our fears helps us. The reason for that is because we then have someone to help us through that fear. Being as we are not alone on this planet, it's a privilege that we can go on this journey of life together. If we were to support those that are close to us, and the people close to us were to support others, and so on and so forth, we'd have an unbeatable support system. A system that could help us conquer fear.

     Those are just the three strategies that I use most to conquer and overcome my fears. You might have others that you use, and keep doing it, if it works. Always stick with you doing you, and help other people conquer there fears. If we did this, everyone would be able to more richly LIVE NOW and enjoy life. Thanks for reading and we'll talk soon! 

Remember The Hands That Have Helped You

"Some people talk to you in their free time, and some people free up time to talk to you."

-Anonymous

     You know those people in your life that are always there when you need them, even if they're busy? Those kind of people in your life are the ones that you should never let go of. It's a kind of person that I'm striving to be. It's impossible to be that person for everyone in your life, but you only need to be that person for those few in your life. A podcast from Shaun T comes to mind. He talked about "Your Ride or Die" person in your life. That person that will be there at 3 in the morning to hold you when you experience a tragedy. That person that will be there to celebrate with you when you land that dream job that you've always wanted. It's easy to know those people in your life that are the "Ride or Die" type, but who are you the "Ride or Die" type for? I'm sure if you think about it, a few people come to mind, because a few people in my life come to mind. I know that if they called me in the early morning hours that I would not hesitate to be there for them, even if I did have a class early in the morning. The greatest part is that we all have our "Ride or Die" people, and we have the privilege of being that person for someone else. In all honesty, this post is meant to make you think of those people in your life that have always been and will always be there for you. This holiday season would be nowhere near as enjoyable without them! Those kind of people make us all LIVE NOW and enjoy life more richly. Always be grateful for those people, and we'll talk soon!

Be Extra Ordinary

"Avoid being normal."

-KJ Thackeray

     Most of the time, as we go through life we desire to be accepted by others, but then we also want to be extraordinary. The only problem is, is that when you're extraordinary, not everyone is going to be accepting of you. Some might even be hostile and envious. So what do we do? Do we stop being extraordinary and just go at the pace everyone else is going, while being accepted? Or do we be extraordinary and not accepted by the majority? We want both of these things for ourselves, but when it comes down to it, I feel that we pick the former more than the later. This is an unfortunate outcome for not just the individual, but for the entire human race. Let me explain.
     To be extraordinary to me means to be extra good at ordinary things as well as some things that are not so ordinary, like playing the bass guitar. Some people think that as long as you're fantastic at the one thing that they're passionate about, that's all they need, but I disagree. I think that in order to be extraordinary you must have the foundation of be excellent at ordinary things, like being punctual to places you're supposed to be. When we choose to be extraordinary we allow ourselves to be authentic and undiluted by the desire to be accepted, we allow our actual potential to be conceived and eventually achieved. So basically when we choose to be accepted by the masses, we choose to stay ignorant to our unrealized potential and possible accomplishments.
     The reason that choosing to be accepted by the masses also is unfortunate for humans as a species, is because if more people would choose to extraordinary, they'd realize their potential and accomplish and discover so much more. With more discovery comes progress, and not just for one person, but many people. There are so many discoveries that wouldn't have been made, had someone chosen to be normal and accepted. We wouldn't be where we are today without those discoveries. Now, there are always going to be "haters", but just remember that the best way to assure failure is to try and please everyone. Stay focused on the people that are supporting you in your endeavors.
     So I'll just conclude saying that it's more important to be extraordinary than accepted. Don't just be extraordinary for yourselves. Be extraordinary for everyone. The haters and the fans. In the end you'll be thanked for your discovery. Being extraordinary causes me to LIVE NOW, and it can bring you the control of the moment and every moment in your life. The control of you. Thanks for reading, we'll talk soon!!

A Touch Of Love

"Nothing is so healing as the human touch."

-Bobby Fischer

     One of my favorite parts about Christmas is sitting in the Christmas tree room and pondering as I gaze at the twinkling lights. It's where I like to reflect on the things I'm most grateful for. The thing that made it extra special tonight was that as I sat pondering, my adorable little sister sat snuggling in next to me. There is something special about the human touch. What is it though?

     It has so much power to change the environment around it. There's a lot of psychology and science behind the powers of human touch, but I'd rather not talk about it. To put it simply, we as humans need contact with other human beings, to point to where if we are deprived of it, we can develop mental illnesses. With it though, we can perform many miracles. Miracles of guidance, miracles healing, and miracles of comfort. That is what makes touch such a memorable thing. 

     As I think back on my most beautiful memories, almost all of them include the factor of human touch. So for me, human touch enhances the power of the moment significantly, making it memorable. I don't know this scientifically to be a fact, but I believe when you are in contact with another  

person, your energies combine into a new energy. Which can be a beautiful moment for those involved. 

     We must also be careful with the power of touch, because it can be used for evil. Violence is a prime example of misusing the power of touch. We must use this power for good, if we are to benefit from its power.

     Whether your snuggling with a sibling, kissing your lover, or embracing a friend, the human touch does something powerful. It enhances our ability to express love for those we care most about. For me, it helps me LIVE NOW, and really be present. Remember to touch lovingly and we'll talk soon!

The Person In The Mirror Is You

"Ignorance is always afraid of change."

Jawaharlal Nehru

     Is it better to live in ignorant bliss? Or educated paranoia? As I sat in the hallway waiting for class to begin, I eavesdropped on a conversation. The topic was chicken nuggets. They were talking about how they'd just rather be ignorant about how the chickens are treated than be educated about what happens to them in the chicken farms. That boggled me! Why would you rather be ignorant than educated? The answer to that question is mainly personal preference, but it comes down to, if you learn of something new it calls for change. Whether it's a physical change or a change in mindset, the attaining of new knowledge is a call to action. A call to action for us, the human race, to decide what to do about it. The only problem is, we are all going to have different opinions and beliefs. For me I think that you can be educated and blissful. 

     To often now days, we are taught to ignore the ugly parts of life and only pay attention to the beautiful. After all, that is how people are on social media especially. No one wants to post the ugliest secrets of their lives because of fear they will offend someone, be judged and treated differently. The thing that we need to realize is that progress never happened through pleasing everyone. If we are to progress in our lives we should choose to have conviction in who we are and what we believe to be good and right, even if it means not having the same rules as others. This is how we can see our own reality with clarity.  

     I know that when it comes to food it's probably the third hottest argument aside from religion and politics, but I don't understand why someone would prefer to be ignorant. I suppose it's because knowledge is a call to make a change. As Michael Jackson said, "if you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change." If we are to make this world a better place, we need to acknowledge the good, the bad and the ugly, and choose to make a change in ourselves to better this world and to LIVE NOW! Thank you for reading and we'll talk soon!

Stop... Collaborate and Listen

"It's hard to be angry at someone if you know their story." 

-FB

     Have you ever been angry with someone for doing or saying something? I surely have, whether it be family, friends or the dumb guy that cut me off on the highway there's always going to be someone that makes you upset. That is when we need to take a step back and try and realize that we're all human. We all have stories. Some of those stories are beautiful and some of them are tragic, but if we all try and gain an understanding of each others stories, we might find that anger being replaced with empathy and compassion. We as people LIVE NOW for the relationships we form with people. Learning to listen, understand, forgive, and not assume is the key to beating anger! Thanks for reading, and we'll talk soon!